throwback thursday i guess

this feeling, it is SO weird and i dont even know if its in a good or bad way! but if you follow my blog or know me you know the jest of me and scott, here is a quick run down...we met sophomore year, dated for like 2 years on and off, totally in love with each other, was going to wait for him while he was on his mission but decided not to, it turned bad real quick, we stopped talking, he left on his mission, he wrote me twice, then came home for surgery we saw each other and it was bad...like REALLY bad! we just fought like mad and we left screaming at each other and slamming my car door, and that was the last time i saw him. we loved hard and we fought hard. maybe right person wrong time type thing? but earlier today i was looking through some pictures and i found some of him and i just looked at them and felt like i have countless memories about you yet i dont feel like i know you...at all! like you are someone i have only met in my dreams! now that there has been so much time since i have seen him last i am no longer mad at him or anything like that its just such a weird feeling, its indescribable. scott told me i would never find someone to love me like he did and you know what as hard as i tried to prove him wrong he is right so far, i have been loved in different ways by other people but its not the same kind of love that i felt from him, but when you think about it everyone loves you differently, in a different way so...its kinda of like...no duh no one will love me like you did cause no one else is you! but i understand what he means i think, scott was so protective over me and so caring, seriously i have never dated someone who cared so much about every single little detail in my life as he did, i miss what we had when we were going good...i miss ALWAYS talking to him we were either texting, on the phone or in person at all times! and i miss doing things with our families together and planning our future together and teasing each other just everything we were...i kind of miss it. i know he will always love me, and i will always love him but its in a different way now...gah its so crazy to think he has been out on his mission over a year already! holy freaking cow! that just blows my mind! and i cant help but wonder how he is doing, whats his mission like, how is his family, just how is EVERYTHING?! i keep thinking about writing him but i feel like...that would just be a mess so i keep re reading the letters he sent me when we were speaking to each other and that kinda helps take off the edge of me wanting to write him....kind of....who am i kidding it only makes me want to write him more but then again its probably not a good idea? INNER TURMOIL! i just cant win or make up my mind. today i also found more pictures of us i honestly thought i burned them all...but here we are like two years ago! so crazy so so crazy!!!!!!!!!!!

we were so madly in love...