never to be forgotten

so i dont think i ever explained the story about bekki, if you follow my blog you've heard me mention her several times. and tonight...well just in general i have been thinking about her a lot. i met bekki when i was in 6th grade, she moved in three doors down from me my mom told me to go make friends with her...i was probably thee most shy, quiet, reserved, boring person that ever existed and going up to a stranger was so out of my comfort zone i dont even know why i did it! oh yeah my mom walked me to her house and made me! so there i stood on her front porch one summer, her brother rory answered the door and i asked for bekki, i introduced myself and she asked if i wanted to play, so we did. we jumped on her tramp, played with her dog and went to the park. right off the bat bekki was CRAZY and i mean that in a good way she was loud, she was sassy, she spoke her mind, she stood her ground, she stood up for herself, she didnt let others push her around or bring her down and she didnt give a damn what anyone thought about her, she was just herself and i quietly watched her live her life, and love it she always seemed so free and never afraid. after that day we first met we were walking back to our houses and she told me that i was too quiet and that i needed to speak up. i told her i would and then i walked the rest of the way home. the next day she called me and invited me to go with her family swimming at the army pool because her dad is in the army so i said yes, it was a long drive and i very quickly got to know her whole family. and bekki even got me to speak up more, we swam for hours and hours and just layed out then me, bekki, her mom and sister were in the womens locker room showering and bekki just ripped off her bikini  and started running around naked i felt so awkward but bekki didnt at all! then she ran out to the pool and jumped right in and kept running around, by that time i just thought it was hilarious, i also thought "she is my best friend" when she came back into the locker room to get dressed she just said "i dont care what other people think about me, and neither should you" after that we were connected at the hip, we went swimming every day, we slept over every night, we did EVERYTHING together! i was the newest member of the campbell family. me and bekki always did something memorable. here are a few high lights

- lighting her back yard on fire
-making her brothers nasty pancakes with dog hair, dirt, spit etc. in them
-streaking on the daily...we would just get naked and run around
-wal mart/mcdonalds runs
-swimming
-softball games (our coach thought we were twins and could never get our names right)
-sleep overs
-scary movies and houses
-halloween
-she witnessed my first kiss
-she held me when i got my first broken heart
-playing at the local park
-raking leaves and jumping into them from the tree in her front yard
-spaghetti o's and gold fish
-all of her animals
-shaving her animals
-snowboarding
-lighting tons of stuff on fire
-junior high track (we both did high jump)
-bekki is the one who got me to use tampons (tmi but whatev)
-sneaking out
-she was obsessed with piercings! she seriously had every piercing possible, once she tried to pierce my belly button while i was sleeping
-late night phone calls
-disney movies
-doing everything with her familiy
-gas station runs
- our music (hey monday, lights, paramore, this providence, the ting tings, lady gaga)

and those are just some of the things we did together, we seriously did EVERYTHING together! we told each other everything, every little detail was put out there, there was no such thing as a comfort zone or personal bubble with bekki, she would push you to your limits in the best way possible, she was always happy and uplifting and making sure everyone was taken care of and smiling and laughing, she had so much energy and love for life! being around her was contagious! she didnt just crack my personal shell of comfort she came to it with a hammer and forced me out! bekki definitely made me who i am today with out a doubt it all goes back to her, but bekki had a lot of health problems....and i mean A LOT! she was constantly in the hospital for one thing or another, and eventually that took her out of school, but not out of life, not yet, she still loved every day, she was still bekki, as junior year came around i saw less and less of her i was at mountain view and working and she was doing her own thing but we were still best friends i was still calling her when i had killer cramps and needed to know how she got rid of them or when i was fighting with a boyfriend or just whatever! we would still sneak out and go for drives or just walk around the neighborhood and go snowboarding every winter we were the kind of friends that it didnt matter how long we hadn't seen or talked to each other and we never had a single fight heck me and bekki are even blood sisters! we were at her house one night going on about how we would be friends forever but we needed some form of physical commitment i guess so we decided blood sisters it sounds crazy and it was ha but she took a kitchen steak knife and sliced her hand open and i was too much of a baby to cut myself so she grabbed my hand and sliced my palm open i was shrieking at her telling her it hurt and that she had gone mad but all she was saying was "seal it! seal it!" and she forced me to hold her hand while we swapped blood, her mom walked into the kitchen and freaked out a little then just said how great of friends we are, i still have that scar on my right palm. best friends for life and eternity! that was what we are ha which reminds me of our nicknames for each other

bekki:
bek bek
boo boo
barnacle bekki
cheech

mckayla:
mck mck
moo moo
mermaid mckayla
cheech

one day, this was my senior year i was walking to seminary and my friend lauren stopped me in the hall and said "did you hear what happened to bekki?" my heart did a flip flop then it sank to my stomach "what" i demanded through my teeth lauren told me that her little brother ryker told her that bekki had tried to hang herself. i turned around and went straight to my car, i texted bekkis mom and found that she was in the hospital after school me and the young women went to the hospital to see her the second i saw her parents i ran into their arms and we all started crying i just clung to each of her family members, finally i went with bekki's mom to see her.....she was hooked up to all sorts of machines, her eyes were fluttering open and her skin was freezing cold, her mom explained to me exactly what had happened and that they didnt know if she would make it through the night, i held bekki's hand and i told her that i love her and that i needed here with me and i told her mom that she would make it, that i just KNEW she would. after i left the hospital i was completely numb. the next day i was at taco bell with dallas and tiffany and we ran into a neighbor of mine she was chipper as ever and she oh so casually and happily said "did you girls hear that bekki passed away this morning?" just like it was no big deal! i dropped my burrito and glared at her i was thinking "how DARE she say that! who is she to tell me bekki is not here anymore, liar! i hate you, i hate you so much your lying!" i got up and left till she left it didnt register to me, it didnt hit me for a while. bekkis mom and sister even texted me and told me but i refused to accept it!  i didnt cry that day. but a big part of me died that day as well. as the days went on  it sank in, i didnt go to school and when i did all my teachers commented on how different how quiet and how absent i seemed to be. one day the school counselor pulled me out of class and asked how i was doing and that was it, of all the people that knew how much bekki ment to me he was the first one to ask and i lost it, we sank to the ground in the hallway and i ruined his shirt with mascara and he told me i can talk to him anytime because he knew her family very well and her parents and come to the school and talked to him and mentioned me by name. in dance class i lost it several times, we would just be dancing and next thing i would be running out of the room crying. my dance teacher i love her a lot and she was there for me as well she would just know when i would just leave class and not come back, it was just too hard...i hardly went to school after that, how i graduated is still a mystery...but then bekki's funeral was around the corner....and i kept thinking about it, how to be apart of it, how to say my last goodbye, how to pay tribute to someone i love so incredibly much. i came up with the idea to play "hear you me" on my guitar i told her mom and she loved the idea, bekki LOVED music seriously it was her LIFE! and she played guitar as well and i actually had taught her this song before so i couldnt do this alone i dragged dallas and tiffany into it as well me and dallas played guitar and the three of us sang, i remember standing at the pulpit my knees knocking they were shaking so hard and i was trying to swallow the fiery ball of tears and gasps that tried to creep up my throat but i looked down at her casket and i said "this one is for you" i looked to dallas and we started playing i remember looking at her family a lot and at the people recording us on their phones but mostly i was looking down at bekki...after we were done and all sat down i just leaned into dallas and we bawled our eyes out. that...that was the hardest thing i have ever done. so bekki is gone now...but sometimes i feel her spirit, im not joking i would always get the electric feeling around bekki a feeling of high energy and love and when i was crying she would bring a very unique feeling of comfort and genuine love. as i have faced more trials and heart break i have felt her here with me, by my side, comforting and mourning and rejoicing with me. bekki is the best friend i could have ever asked for. i visit her grave about once a week...she passed away feb. 17 2012. i will love bekki forever and i will always miss her but i feel like i must live my life like she did, thats what she would want me to do. and so i will. best friends for life and eternity! 

we went a little crazy with some rub on tattoos once

she was rarely fully clothed haha 

i guess thats where i got my hatred of clothing from

bekki will be a part of me forever, and i know she is watching over all of us now and that she is in a better place it just makes me sad that she was so miserable here...sometimes i think i can understand her wanting to leave. bekki made me a better person, she was seriously the most non judgmental person EVER she loved and accepted everyone. i wish to become more like her and you bet that one day when i have a daughter she will be named after bekki! she is the most amazing girl i have ever had the pleasure to know. and i mean these words with my entire being and my whole heart

I

LOVE

YOU

REBEKA

ELIZA

CAMPBELL.