bad dreams

i had a dream about bekki

last night

that i was walking down the hill by my house

with my dad 

i think we were going to church

and then i saw someone

who looked like bekki walking up the hill

she had her bright red hair

but i was just like

there is no way that's bekki

then my dad said

that IS bekki

so i ran up to her

bawling

and i said i thought you were dead!

i saw you at your funeral

this isnt real

then she said

mckayla im never going to leave you

im your best friend

and you need me right now

i told you im ALWAYS here for you

then we just fell to the ground and 

she held me on the curb while i cried

and she told me

everything is going to be okay

and

it doesnt matter what other people think about you

 

bekki was ALWAYS telling me that

that it doesnt matter what 

people think about you

 

then i woke up

crying of course

and i just started to cry all the more

i wish she was here....

she's been gone 5 months...

and i think about her

every 

single

day

i've lost a lot of people

especially this past month

and i have had a lot of heart break

but NOTHING compares to the loss of bekki

nothing

nothing has ever hurt me

or

shaken me to the bone

so bad

....

 

i have loved you for a thousand year

i'll love you for a thousand more