the thoughts in my head in pictures

love is many things

oh now im nervous

i just got a call from the hospital

about registering etc. for my surgery

i had to fill out a bunch of stuff online

AND NOW IM NEVROUS

have you ever SEEN a skin graft?

go google that shiz

its nasty!

aaahhhhh and were thinking

its going to have to be bigger

than we thought because it goes down

farther along my scapula 

real cute...

wish me 

LOADS OF LUCK

i am soooo nervous now

t minus 5 days people

5 days!

january 3rd!

nobuddy ran away

i have two dogs

sammy {irish setter, lab-retriever, pitbull}

and buddy

but we call him "nobuddy"

cause thats all we EVER say to him

cause he is ALWAYS in trouble

he is pretty stupid

and dogs are very smart creatures

but not him

seriously im pretty sure he has no brain

anyway buddy is a

lab-retriever, springer spaniel 

and today after work i let them out

to run around and what not

i went inside to make myself some pasta

then i made a sandwich for my dogs

{yes, i did in fact make a sandwich for my DOGS

cause its cold...and i bet they wanted a treat}

so when i walk out onto my deck they are usually

right there wagging tails, slobbery tongues and all

but nope...it was dead quiet

and i said something along the line of

oohhhh shoot

i ran inside grabbed the first boots i could find

which happened to be my BROTHERS snow boots

{BEYOND HUGE}

but i didnt have time to change them

i grabbed my coat and my keys and booked it!

i drove around my block and saw no sign of either of them

i drove around again and this time i saw

sammy trying to get into some garbage can

so i jumped out of my car and called her and she

came running over and hopped right in the back seat

cause she is very smart and oh so well behaved

i dropped her off back at the house and locked her in her kennel

[the dogs, im guessing buddy, pushed the back gate open

and that is how they got out]

then i had to try to find buddy...he is SUCH a pain

he NEVER comes when you call him

he always puts up a fight

he is huge and stinky 

and obnoxious!

i drove around and around all the neighborhoods by mine

and there was NO sign of him! i called my mom crying

even though he is stupid and bad i still love that

dog of mine, and he is SO darn cute 

so anyway i am driving around the block

AGAIN when i see him!

i jump out of my car so fast

i fall face first onto the asphalt...

but no time for pain!

i have to catch him while i can

he disappears behind

someones house and i follow him

and i hear him barking

im thinking great he has found a cat

and that he had

there was a car and under that car was a cat

and half of my big huge stupid dog

buddy is barking

the cat is hissing

and i am screaming at buddy

i pull him out by his tail

grab on to his collar and

take him to my car

now buddy CAN NOT JUMP

his back legs are so weak...

yet his chest is massive

he is one goofy looking creature

so anyway im trying to stuff him into

the back of my car and finally

i just grab the fur on the back of his neck

and his butt and chuck him in!

so we drive home and i put him in the backyard and

tell him to go to his kennel cause that is one thing

he does actually know  how to do

he sulks over there and RIGHT as i am about to close

the gate to his kennel he bolts out i chase him back to the 

yard gate i see him pawing at it and i tell him no go to your kennel

he looks at me over his shoulder all the while he slowly open the gate

and takes off again!

i sat down and cried a bit 

then i manned up and got BACK into my car

this time he went to 4th south

the busier road by my house i see him in a yard

i pull over

park my car and dive for him

i swear i was so close to catching him

but he is pretty quick

i straight up dive into a pile of snow

face first of course

this happens MULTIPLE time until

i tackle him down 

IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET

mckayla vs. buddy smack down

for real

i throw him in the car again

take him home

and he went straight into his kennel

cause he was oh so tired

man i HATE that dog

but at the same time

man i LOVE that dog

and i am just happy

that my dog sammy is so well trained

hhaha aahhh...i think i need a nap now

scar

last week Rachel Haslam asked me to be her model for a scar photo shoot she was doing, i of course willingly and excitedly accepted, because...lets be real here what could i be better for?! here are some of the pictures she took, im obsessed! they look great and she is an excellent photographer and so fun to work with!

 

 

pretty cool eh?? the interesting thing to me about these pictures is i didnt realize thats how my scar looked...like ive never been able to see it from this angle! i still TO THIS DAY find more and more of my scar, and it always amazes me...and in just 7 days i will be getting another skin graft...more scar...yesterday when i was working at iggys one of my managers asked me about it and we were talking about for scars forever! but he asked me if it bugs me, if im self conscious about it...sometimes i am...sometimes i think its ugly and i hate it and i wish i had perfect skin like all the models you see on t.v and EVERYWHERE you go but i will NEVER look like that but most of the time i do like my scar and i dont know anything else...my shoulder has always looked this way basically so its a huge part of me...sometimes i forget i even have it and sometimes im super aware of it...like i am lately because it hurts so bad! as excited as i am for the pain to go away i am nervous for the healing process...and this is actually a very emotional thing for me...on so many different levels! my scar means a lot to me...and that may sound silly but its a HUGE reminder of so many things i have learned throughout my life, like learning to accept myself that i am beautiful in my own way, and it is a lesson learned of if you touch something hot your going to be burned...as in dealing with people if you mess with people, if you start trouble and drama your going to get burned, there is ALWAYS  a consequence and some people DONT understand that. and there is more but its christmas eve and there is plenty to do! just thought i would share this.

out of sorts

today i have done all sorts of weird things!
im just not myself!

1) this morning i was in quite the rush with basically every minute today jam packed! while i was trying to get ready all speedily i COULD NOT find my deodorant FOR THE LIFE OF ME! so...you betcha i just skipped it and threw on some extra perfume! but take a GUESS where i found my deodorant a few hours later...in my PURSE...yup, my PURSE! why...WHY was it there? i have NO clue.

2)  also while i was trying to get ready this morning i couldnt find my pants! (i have a very hard time finding ANYTHING) i ripped the house apart because i could have sworn i just saw them! i decided i had no choice but to wear a different pair of pants...so i put my other pants on and guess where the pants i was originally looking for was...just take a guess...they were ON ME the WHOLE TIME but i didnt realize that till i had taken them off and saw them lying on my floor...sheesh you would think i had never looked in a mirror or i was blind or something, it was pathetic

3) trying to make bagel bites for lunch in the microwave...guess who tried to cook them in the dishwasher..yes the dishwasher

4) and last but not least when i was coming home from all my errand running i tried to open the front door but it was locked...so i went to the back door and opened it with my key....why didnt i use my key to open the front door...i do not know!

basically im just losing it...maybe the world will end tomorrow!
in other words!
i got my hair done today...i have a very hard time accepting change with my looks...im still...adjusting to it, its lighter...they say its brown but to me it looks other colors...i just dont know what to think

i went snowboarding with mandy = total success {hahahah} man that girly is a blast and a half! oohh how i missed her guts! so glad i got to spend some time with such a wonderful lady

christmas shopping...wait...whaaaaatttt....

where are you??

WHERE ARE YOU MANDY?!

today is the PERFECT day for snowboarding

we've just had SEVERAL huge snow storms

so there is good now

and its some what sunny

IDEAL CONDITIONS 

my friends

but this morning i got stuck at work

it was insanity over there

so we had to push our plans back

its been over an hour since we planned

...

WHERE ARE YOU MANDY?!

we've got to get going on this!

plus i dont get to board

like at all this season

because of my upcoming surgery

{2 weeks from today}

and while i was getting ready i

may have shed one

just ONE

tear of joy

i have such a passion for snowboarding

i am so glad i live in utah

that being just one of the many reasons

well i thought i would pass some time 

by blogging real quick

but its actually making me more impatient!

again

where 

are 

you

mandy?!?!

a typical first day...

last night was my first night at iggys!

i am a hostess

so i went in and one of the managers showed me around

while talking non-stop 

basically cramming every single

bit of information down my throat

{what did you just say mr.?}

and let me just tell you 

there is

A LOT

a hostess has to do

cleaning

helping bus {if needed}

seating the customers of course

reservations book

taking phone calls

stocking up on mints/toothpicks

keeping up on customers

coming in and going out

keeping up with the seating chart

writing the employee list for the next day

aannnnddd

thats all i can think of right now

i had all the seats memorized

but with all that additional stuff to do

i had my moments of struggle

especially with one rude manager on my back

{yikes!}

he is bi-polar i swear

he was either upset with me

or incredibly impressed with how quickly i 

was picking up on everything

but i would say that i got the hang of it

after about...3 hours

and i do love it!

i like all the people i work with

everyone was so nice

it was a great first day

and tomorrow im going

SNOWBOARDING!

finally!

even better i get to go with

mandy and jamie!

yeeee! 

canyons here we come!

also im getting my hair done this week...

if all goes well i will post pictures

but i have pretty

BAD LUCK

when it comes to changing my hair color...

anyway i hope you all have a great day!

till we meet again

tonight was one of those rare nights where 

i closed instead of opened at the sweet tooth

its a saturday night so it was rather busy

work was fine

afterwards i was driving home

and i dont remember driving at all

honestly the next thing i know is i am

pulled over in front of some house

sobbing my eyes out

i was crying so hard i really thought

i might need to try to call 911 for help

cause i couldnt breath 

i couldnt see

i couldnt contain my emotions

i dont know how long i sat there in that state

but i finally calmed down

and was able to start thinking of

WHY i was crying like that 

i was crying for all of those poor

children in conneticut

i dont even want to go into detail 

about such a disturbing tragedy but i would like to 

think that my mom heart kicked in

and i started to think if those had been

MY BABIES

it sickens me!

then i also realized i was crying over bekki

i looked up to see myself parked right outside her house

which brought a new wave of sobbing

i know i wasnt the closest person to her

i havent known her since the day she was born

the past few years we havent been as close as we

were when we first met

but a best friend is always a best friend

someone who had an impact on your life

like bekki had on mine will ALWAYS be missed

and more so than ever all of those memories

seem like it was just yesterday

and then i start thinking that

you REALLY NEVER KNOW

when your life will end

or the life of a loved one

and that i really cant take a single day for granted 

even on the bad days something good came out of them

and that i need to show my love for my friends and family

as well as voice is more often

i want to scream it from the rooftops

i just dont want anyone in my life to not know how much i love them

and not just that but to be nice to strangers

because everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle

i want to spread the love far and wide

i want everyone in the whole wide world to feel loved

to know they are loved by their heavenly father

i wish people didnt hurt

didnt feel alone

and sad

and scared

and angry

and depressed

and sucidal

and forgotten

and so many more things!

i want to give everyone alive or dead

a great big hug and kiss on the cheek

i am so blessed

and now i am left

so speechless

cant touch this

this morning i went into iggys for orientation 

{ehh mostly just paper work}

 i met with the owner Rich 

and i am just BURSTING with excitement!

 i have always wanted to work in a restaurant 

{no lie} 

i already know most of the other workers 

which is awesome now i just have to 

wait till monday for training! eeeee!

 i have to memorize the seating and the menu...yay! 

something worth while for my brain to do 

ha i really wanted a second job for money of course 

and so that i would be busier 

but another big reason is because i wanted to LEARN

 i crave LEARNING!

 while Rich was talking to me 

i was just soaking it all in like a sponge! 

i am just SO excited! 

plus...its iggys! that place is 

AMAZEBALLS! 

well off to lunch now with 

the second fam bam

today is a great day

and i hope yours is as well!

muah! xo

its been on my mind

so lately i have been thinking about school a lot...and my major has changed countless times!

hair school

culinary school

fashion design

interior design

sports medicine

physical therapist

now social worker/rehab...person(?)

so anyway what has been bothering me is whenever

i tell people what i want to go into they have to throw their two cents in

which always seems to sound like

"well...that will take a lot schooling"

"you dont make much money"

"thats not very popular around here"

etc.

let me just say this

for me

its not about how long i have to go to school

i love school

its not about the money!

yes that just happened

i have taken in what my financial lit. teacher taught me my junior year

and i know and i have been practicing being good with my money

its not about how "popular/successful" that career is around here

i will move if i have to!

its not about any of that

its about me doing something i love

and i truly think that being some type of social worker is my calling

because i want a job thats not about me

thats not about the paychecks

i want to HELP other people

i want to help improve their lives

thats what its about

even after i have explained that people still look at me like im crazy!

so i just let it be

cause i will be the one working in that field not them anyway

thats all..

well, well, well

i got the job! 

you are now looking at the newest hostess for

 IGGYS SPORTS BAR AND GRILL!

i. am. excited!

good-bye social life!

hello working from 7 a.m till 11 p.m 

good-bye long lonely afternoons

hello $$$

{for college that is....}

im so happy! today while i was out doing some x-mas shopping i got a call

from a number i didnt recognize

and lets just say i had a feeling it was iggy's

i answered and they said

are you good for orientation this saturday morning?

i said i sure am!

they told me what i need to bring and BAM!

i am employed x2

two jobs...oh boy...

also i am LOVING the hot tub my dad

bought for us i give it PLENTY of attention

it has a waterfall

changing lights

its bigger than our last one

its got all the bells and whistles

and it has done wonders to my social life

HAHA

oh suddenly you all want to hang out with me?

ok what do you want to do?

hot tub?

SURE!

im fine with that!

well more christmas errands to run!

toodles!

OOOHH NO!

i have NEVER been a fan of online shopping 

because i HAVE to try everything on before i buy it

no matter what 

even if i already know my size

 i just have to try everything on...

but...i dont know what has gotten into me! 

look what i have done! 

its like i cant stop! its awful! this website is called TOBI

and EVERYTHING is so cute 

and they have such great deals!

help me.

hey im not dead! feels like i havent blogged FOREVER even though its just been a few days...anywho! just thought i would update those who read this!

• well skin graph numero dos is in t minus 22 days! and as of right now i am excited! cause my shoulder freaking kills! it feels like its on fire! its always really hot and hurts to move it too much and after working for 9 hours lifting all sorts of stuff it takes quite the toll on it and all i do is sleep after that

• i have my second interview for a job at a restaurant tomorrow! will i be a cook? a hostess? waitress? if i get the job i will let ya know but lets just say the manager was hitting on me...{i think im in}

• nothing is better than some home made chicken soup for lunch! thanks mama!

• christmas shopping has got to happen...now! me and my madre have got thursday reserved for that(:

• i am fully embracing this snow! {but i do hate that its cold} i have been sledding! and i am ready to SNOWBOARD! snowboard snowboard snowboard! im bummed i dont have a pass this year but my dad and i made a deal that as long as i am saving for college he will get me a pass to any resort every other weekend..fair enough! plus once i get surgery i cant board...durrr

• the other night when i was leaving work this man came up to me and asked me if i had a dollar to spare him because his car just ran out of gas and he had to get home to his family, he wasnt even wearing a jacket! i handed him $10 and he said "thank you so much i could kiss you right now!" then he wished me a merry christmas and we went on our seperate ways...moral of that story is it feels good to give, it made me feel SO good i still feel good about it! i wish i had tons of money on had all the time to hand out to those in need

• relating to that ^ in a way i have changed my major for college once again! i want to be a social worker! i was watching this show called drugs inc. its about different types of drug addicts/dealers i watch this show because its interesting for one but two it makes me so happy that i have never done drugs, never will! but while i watch it ALL i can think about is how badly i want to help them, i want to help these people get their lives together and be free from their addictions!  i either want to work in a drug rehab or just a social worker and help those who really need it because i LOVE helping people!

i think thats it for now!

alone time

today i have realized... I NEED MY TIME ALONE!

 everyday i just need some time to myself

 to clear my head

 set my priorities for the day

 organize my thoughts and feelings

 and meditate

 i just barley realized this because i woke up for work...

slept in...

and was late 

so i rush upstairs say by to my dad

 hurry to work and am there with my boss 

then two other workers come in for the mid shift

 then i come home to my mom 

and i was being so rude to her!

 i apologized of course 

but right when i was thinking to myself

 "what is wrong with me!?"

 the first thing that came to my head was 

that i havent had any alone time today

 so alas here i sit all bundled up in my sweats

 on my bed

 with my tea, blogging

ahhh much needed 

because today there is plenty going on

 birthday party at 3 

and family party at 6...

and im going to be honest 

i hate family parties 

cause i had NO cousins my age

 and no baby cousins 

they are all just

 too old, too cool, or too young

 im such a loner haha 

but now its time to actually get ready for the day...

here

 we

 go