oh how i want to

i want to give up.

i really do

but this is just the

its 3 a.m 

sleepy

lonely 

mckayla

im better than this

i know i can do hard things

i just hate when i have to do them completely alone

i hate that i opened up to someone

to just be left alone...again

all i really need right now 

is a good friend

yet in my time of need 

no one is REALLY there

i've seen some i dunno

half hearted efforts..

but then again maybe its me?

and how come the person i need the most

right now

my dear friend elder tebbs

is in alaska

dang.

he's just my last resort in finding comfort.

but he's doing great things

so im not really upset.

i just miss people

including who i was about...5 months ago.

i honestly feel like in my time

of great need right now

with everything going on in my life

when i need certain people here the most

when i just need someone to step in and

say as the beastie boys would put it

"check your head"

im just looking for someone who

actually cares about me...

too much to ask?

apparently.

i swear im just gonna disappear one day

i'll hoard up all my money

and just be gone

these thoughts are temporary

im sure im just dying to

GET OUT

i feel alone in my trials

and struggles

and heart break

i keep getting knocked down more

and more

every single day

and its like no one see's it

and if they do they dont care

to care!

i've been through harder things...

i've been through harder things alone

i will come out of this

i will come out on top

i will come out a better person

even if i come out alone...