peace of mind

first of all can i just say

i know i blog

A LOT

like 24352345 blogs a day

its cray

i know

but i use my blog

to write down a lot of my thoughts

and feelings

and pictures and such

just to document this time in my life

what i like

what i dont like

what im going through

what i learn

my hopes and dreams

all that stuff and when something inspires me

i blog it out!

moving on.

today i went to singles ward

i have been to a few different ones

but mostly i have been going to farewells

or honestly just sleeping in

my dad has a new calling as the

YSA 2nd counselor 

so today was my first day at the official singles ward

my mom and dad both had to speak

so my brother came with me

thank goodness!

so we make faces at our parents as they are speaking

and all sorts of stuff

its hilarious

to my right there is a very attractive young man

and so of course i tell kyle

then we are singing a hymn and kyle is

being a little jerk and wont share the hymn book

with me but have no fear

attractive man sitting next to me

scoots over and shares

how cute

so then we introduce ourselves

his name is micheal

(and yes katie same micheal from last week

remember that sacrament prayer? yup him!

but he is still SO cute!!)

then i meet up with sarah and tiff and we go

to class and micheal is our teacher!

me and tiff are busting up laughing the whole time

cause that is how we always are but

everything he is doing is making us pee our pants

seriously we are like crying we are laughing so hard

i dont know why this always happens when i get with tiff but it does

so the poor guy probably thinks we are laughing at him

oh well...so after class we have

relief society which was really good

it was awesome to feel the spirit in the room

and i loved that feeling so much

so after church i went to the temple

i just didnt want the spirit to leave me

so while i was there i just sat in my car

and prayed

and prayed

and prayed

i prayed for days!

i just prayed for everything and everyone

after that i just felt such a peace of mind

and such happiness!

and confidence with my decisions

i know the lord is on my side

i know he loves me no matter what

and that is will always listen to me

but lately the thing i have learned the most about 

prayer and asking God and decisions and all that is

you cant just ask God what to do

what choice to make

if you have options placed in front of you

you have to choose one for youself

you have to take that first step

THEN God will let you know if it is

right or wrong

he will not lead you astray

when i had to decide between two jobs

i prayed and prayed and prayed

i was so torn

i thought the new job was better so i took it

and real quick God let me know i needed to

stay at my current job

and i was so happy i was able to!

i am thankful for the spirit in my life

i am not perfect

but i have good intentions

and i am doing my best

as long as i keep trying

i know i can make it

i am thankful for this new found happiness in my life.

the nights i live for

so remember that blind date?

yeah. lets talk about that.

i was with kennedy at her house

waiting for the boys

i had just spent the past 45 mintues getting ready

and then she gets a call saying

"were here"

seriously?

do you boys not have legs?

can you not walk to the door?

strike #1

then we get to the car and

my date doesnt even introduce himself

yet alone get out of the car period

strike #2

so we go to comedy sportz in provo

and he sits seriously

two seats away from me!

im not sick

i dont smell bad

or too strong

my breath is fine

what is his deal?

strike #3

he wont say a word to me!

and can i just add that he wasnt even cute!

after the first half of the show i give up on him

i pull out my phone and i start texting other people back

caleb has texted me asking if

i want to meet up with him and a bunch of people

and go on josh's boat to watch

the meteor shower

after i hear that i am just DYING

to get this date over with!

finally the show ends

and i tell them to just take me home!

once i get home and tell my brother

about my date and we laugh it off

i drive down to the provo boat harbor

and meet up with

caleb

josh

amanda

sam

jef

brittian

chaz

addie

vanessa

steffanie

and two other guys

that i dont remember their names

so we all board the boat

turn the music UP

and head to the middle of the lake!

we had a dance party on that boat!

and chaz is a dance teacher so he taught 

us all the dance to bye-bye-bye by the backstreet boys

i wish i would have got it on video!

seriously everyone was so into it

we ate hells food

and laughed hells hard

and watched the meteor shower

it was seriously

SO AMAZING

and breathtaking! 

and it was nice and warm outside

it was such a good time

then we may have done a bit

of a late night dip in the lake(:

haha nasty water but who cares?

 

 

cutest couple award goes to chaz&addie!

 

the guys singing their hearts out

 

they were jammin allll night

 

jef serenading me. adorbs.

 

 

midnight dip anyone?

overall the night was a total success!

its one to go down in the books for sure!

its nights like these that i live for!

there is just too much happiness

and laughter and love to even

think about everything else going on in life

its just living in the moment.

happiness will find me

I've been working hard so long
seems like pain has been my only friend
my fragile heart's been done so wrong
I wondered if I'd ever heal again

just like all the seasons never stay the same
All around me I can feel a change

 I will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me
leave the past behind me, today my life begins,
a whole new world is waiting It's mine for the taking,
I know I can make it, today my life begins

Yesterday has come and gone
and I've learned how to leave it where it is
and I see that I was wrong
for ever doubting I could win

life's too short to have regrets
so I'm learning now to leave it in the past and try to forget
only have one life to live
so you better make the best of it

saturday story

so this morning my alarm went off

at the crack of dawn

and i said

"noooo wayyy"

i texted amanda, the other baker for this morning

and i said...

"how about we start at 8?"

and she said

"sounds good to me!"

and i set my alarm for an hour later

(:

it was wonderful!

then when my alarm went off again

i woke up

threw some clothes on

didnt even bother to glance in the mirror

on my way to work i stopped in at

starbucks to grab a double chocolatey chip creame 

and then i went to work!

and we had a little surprise waiting for us

a big fat order of like 160 cupcakes...

awesome

but me and amanda are super speedy!

so we got everything out in the cases

and started working on the order

well guess who was ALL out of strawberries

us

so i had to go to smiths to get some

but guess who didnt have any strawberries?

smiths

so i went to ridleys and bought some

while i was walking to the check out isle

i heard a clink on the floor

and i immediately knew that 

it was the ring my dad gave me for my birthday

that i ALWAYS wear!

so i looked around for it for a bit

but i had to get back to work!

i didnt have time to crawl around anymore

then i became depressed

and incredibly emotional

and i started to tear up

and my nose started running

but i dragged myself to the register

and got lots of weird looks

and as i was walking away i heard

the cashier say

"is this your ring?"

and it sure was!

it was actually just in the bottom of my basket!

then i felt stupid for being a baby

but i have a strange attachment to this ring okay?

so then i was all fine again

i went back to work

and the guy that had the big huge order called

he wanted to add another

two dozen cupcakes...and he was on his way?

seriously!?

we were so frustrated!

but even then we got everything done on time!

it was wonderful(:

and guess who looked like a train wreck all day?

this girl.

whatever. im covered in frosting

and i need to shave.

i guess i should shower cause...

i have a blind date tonight!

and im super excited about it

cause its a double date with kennedy wyckoff!

and i dont care what anyone says

this girls is a match maker

seriously.

plus she always finds the hottest MEN

sooo holla!

oh yeah....shower...

ok

laters.

ouch.

ready for a ranting venting self therapy blog sesh? here we gooooo! soooo i was on the road to moving on! then i re read the facebook message you sent me...well those wounds opened right back up! stabbed me in the chest again...and the words im a bad friend, i dont care about anyone but myself, i need to change, i need a damn wake up call and more....well...i have a million things i want to say but i dont feel like i should cause now im angry and hurt..again. i know you kind of said sorry? i would like to think. but a sharp tongue can cut your own throat thats why i havent said anything directly to you! and now im going to stop before i start saying more. we are on like different planets now i feel like. and I HATE IT! i hate not having my best friend i hate all of this more than ANYTHING but i dont know how to fix it yet. just understand that. and that is all....

"oh so its like a blanket!?"

lots of randomness for this blog post!

first off the other day i went to the pool with my sissy

but before the pool we went

to the gas station to get some drinks

while we were getting rung up

i noticed those

"survival bracelets"

and this is how the conversation goes

between me and the male cashier

m: what are those survival bracelets

c: they are bracelets

m: okay..like what do they do?

c: well i guess if you unwrap them they stretch out pretty big

m: oh like a blanket

{cashier gives me a look that says

"you have got to be kidding me:}

[and in the back ground my sister is laughing her head off]

c: ha no...more like a cord 

m: how does that help you survive?

{cashier gives me another look that says

"your an idiot"}

c: i guess it doesnt

m: then why is it called a SURVIVAL BRACELET

if that thing doesnt do crap?

c: i dont know

m: thats the stupidest thing i have ever heard

thats a lie!

then my sister shoved me out the door while

laughing her butt off!

then i started laughing as well cause come on now...thats hilarious.

"oh so its like a blanket?"

no mckayla its like a bracelet...

a bracelet that lies about what it can do for you...

stupid

but i still want one!

they look cool....

anyway my rather uneventful day goes as follows

woke up 

showered

got ready 

went to work

picked up my necklace from argento

came home

took a nice long nap

went to the mall

bought awesome rolling stones shirt

blog stalked

then caleb was like lets hang out

so we were going to...then he didnt reply forever

so i got on fb and started talking to a friend of mine

and it was getting later and i hadent heard anything from caleb

and this other guy was like come to my house!

so i went to other guys house

then caleb was like

where are you

i want to see you

and i was like...no way dude

and he pouted atme

then i pouted at myself cause

hes a divine kisser

no lie

i aint ever scurred to say it

i like to kiss!

i like to kiss him!

its fun

and no worries fellow readers

and family members its totally

PG

maybe pg-13

but you can pretend you didnt see that part

well great now i feel like a hooker or something caue

in pg-13 movies

sometimes kissing gets cray cray!

like everyone is naked

and there are girls on girls

and all sorts of stuff....

so i guess it is just PG

happy now?

im being good.

anyway i didnt go see kissy boy cause...

i was mad at him

and i still am?

i dont even know why?

thats stupid of me.

oh...no i remember now!

ha...he's the stupid one not me

trust me on this.

boys are so stupid.

so anyway!

i go to my other friends house!

cause i havent seen him in AGES!

so we talk and talk and talk

each others ears off!

then he says pick a movie

so i choose

this means war

cause its one of my all time favorites!

i HIGHLY recommend it

i have seen it countless times

and it still gives me a good giggle

so were watching the movie

and this little sneak is suddenly

RIGHT next to me

and i can tell out of the corner of my eye that

he keeps staring at me

in my head im like

dont. you. dare. touch. me!

then he says

"your a blanket hog"

and im like

kill me, he wants to cuddle

release the bitch kayla!

so i say

"dont think you'll be getting any"

he says

"action"

then he slides under the blanket with me

hello?

no...clearly i was not bitchy enough

so then i get out from under the blanket

and i say

"well dont touch me"

he thinks im flirting!

F.M.L

he puts his arm around me

and tickles me which i awful cause then i squirm

RIGHT into his arms

stupid move...stupid move on my part

smooth on his...

so i feel rather stuck

i love this guy AS A FRIEND

i have known him three years!

HE KNOWS BETTER THAN TO BE

TOUCHING ME LIKE THIS!

plus his breath stinks

and i just want to watch my movie

and he keeps complimenting me

and its getting more and more awkward

so i pretend im asleep

and i make sure i

"sleep"

in the most painful and awkward position for him

like the type of position that will make his arm

numb but he wont move it cause i look so 

cute sleeping but its driving him crazy

that kinda of painful and awkward

then its over and i

"wake up"

oh just as the credits start rolling

i jump off the couch 

grab my phone

slip on my shoes

and am gone before he even realizes

he can move his arm again

bleh

you are my FRIEND

dont cuddle with me like you weirdo

boooo!

and thats all

throwback thursday i guess

this feeling, it is SO weird and i dont even know if its in a good or bad way! but if you follow my blog or know me you know the jest of me and scott, here is a quick run down...we met sophomore year, dated for like 2 years on and off, totally in love with each other, was going to wait for him while he was on his mission but decided not to, it turned bad real quick, we stopped talking, he left on his mission, he wrote me twice, then came home for surgery we saw each other and it was bad...like REALLY bad! we just fought like mad and we left screaming at each other and slamming my car door, and that was the last time i saw him. we loved hard and we fought hard. maybe right person wrong time type thing? but earlier today i was looking through some pictures and i found some of him and i just looked at them and felt like i have countless memories about you yet i dont feel like i know you...at all! like you are someone i have only met in my dreams! now that there has been so much time since i have seen him last i am no longer mad at him or anything like that its just such a weird feeling, its indescribable. scott told me i would never find someone to love me like he did and you know what as hard as i tried to prove him wrong he is right so far, i have been loved in different ways by other people but its not the same kind of love that i felt from him, but when you think about it everyone loves you differently, in a different way so...its kinda of like...no duh no one will love me like you did cause no one else is you! but i understand what he means i think, scott was so protective over me and so caring, seriously i have never dated someone who cared so much about every single little detail in my life as he did, i miss what we had when we were going good...i miss ALWAYS talking to him we were either texting, on the phone or in person at all times! and i miss doing things with our families together and planning our future together and teasing each other just everything we were...i kind of miss it. i know he will always love me, and i will always love him but its in a different way now...gah its so crazy to think he has been out on his mission over a year already! holy freaking cow! that just blows my mind! and i cant help but wonder how he is doing, whats his mission like, how is his family, just how is EVERYTHING?! i keep thinking about writing him but i feel like...that would just be a mess so i keep re reading the letters he sent me when we were speaking to each other and that kinda helps take off the edge of me wanting to write him....kind of....who am i kidding it only makes me want to write him more but then again its probably not a good idea? INNER TURMOIL! i just cant win or make up my mind. today i also found more pictures of us i honestly thought i burned them all...but here we are like two years ago! so crazy so so crazy!!!!!!!!!!!

we were so madly in love...