this is a long one!

tomorrow at 12:30

is my surgery

i made sure to shower

and shave my legs REALLY good

cause that is where they will be taking

the skin from

i dont want a hairy patch on my shoulder! 

and i painted my nails

and my sissy got me a whole bunch of magazines and treats

thank you cheech! 

and my boyfreennn brought me 

an orange dream machine smoothie{obsessed}

and sprite

and MORE treats

sheesh im gonna gain some serious weight

NOT COOL

not a good way to start off the new year

but on the other hand the start off

of this new year is better than last year

2012 SUCKED

the end.

2013...lets be the best year of my life so far?

deal? k great.

anywayyy!!! 

looks like gossip girl

magazines

netflix

and pills are gonna be my

new besties! 

im really nervous

i think im going to puke 

gah i just want it to be over already

• • • • •

me and my dad went snowboarding today!

we went up to canyons

ran a few runs

stopped in at the sun lodge for some

fries and a drink

ran a few more runs

aannnd then

i was WASTED!

i have had a serious cold for the past few days

and man being outside in that FREEZING

weather was NOT helping

i was short of breath

dizzy

stuffed up

sneezing

and so tired

it kinda sucked...

sorry dad

then we went to 

baja cantinas

BEST MEXICAN FOOD EVER

its in park city

check that ish out cause it was AMAZEBALLS!

then we went to rocky mountain chocolate factory

and got alll sorts of stuff

all my favorite things in one day!

how lucky am i?

while we were eating lunch we were

talking about my surgery and my dad

told me about this one night

it was like the second night after

my skin graft and i was in so much pain

my parents gave me twice the medicine they were supposed to

and i was still not having it

so they called my Dr.

and he said to keep giving it to me till it started working

that i wouldnt over dose or aynything

so they gave me FOUR TIMES the

prescribed amount 

i was barley 2 mind you all

and then my dad told me how he remembered that day

he was down stairs watching tv

thinking how nice it was to relax

then he heard me scream

and it was the worst sound he has ever heard

he found me on the landing

wet and my shoulder was

STEAMING

he grabbed me and jumped in the shower with me

running the water freezing cold

my parents took me to the ER

while my dad was soaking wet

and the nurses there poured

bottle after bottle

of freezing water on me

i was shaking

and my lips were blue

and i was crying

but they had to cool my shoulder down

they had to make it stop boiling 

i am so glad i dont remember that

because hearing about it makes me cry

when i hear about it 

it doesnt seem like something i went through

it just sounds like a horror story

i think what makes me the saddest about that

is how much it hurt my parents

how responsible they feel for it

especially my mom

thats what hurts the most

it has put a huge gap in our relationship

this is a really big deal to me

because i feel like i am going to re-live my childhood nightmare

even though this wont be nearly as bad!

but when you burn 20% of your body

you have SUCH A HIGH RISK OF DYING

my dad said i probably should have died

i was SO SMALL

i burned 20% of my two year old body

i am so thankful for all those nurses

and Dr.'s who worked on me

as nervous as i am for tomorrow

i am also excited

for this pain to be over!

anyway im gonna TRY to sleep now...