melanoma monday..

last night was great, hung out w/colton, john and santino 

we went to red robin 

and all laughed our heads off at santino sucking up strawberries from his straw 

and...laughing at everything john said 

and at coltons laugh. 

then we watched water boy and four christmas's 

i got home around midnight (way too late) 

because i had to get up at 5 to go to work! 

i had to open the bakery today with ellie

 everything was going smoothly we were right on time 

then ellie pulled out TRAYS AND TRAYS of cookies from the freezer 

and she said "awh amanda is so sweet she already made the cookies for us" 

then i remembered those cookies were for a HUGE order due...TODAY! 

this order consisted of 16 DOZEN cupcakes and 14 DOZEN cookies...

they also had to be delieverd to noah's in lindon by 11..it was 9 

we sat there and stared at each other for a while not even knowing where to start 

then the adrenaline kicked in and we got going! 

we got the order together and ellie sped away with it all in her car...

but we didn't put out any pastry's for the store...which opens at 10:30....

it was insanity! we had to bake EVERYTHING! it was so crazy

 i worked from 6-2:30...while i was at work i got some very scary news......

my dad texted me informing me that i have a 1000% increased chance of having melanoma...

which is skin cancer. that is a guarantee. 

1000% it shortens your life span by 40% 

i have melanoma because of my scar...

i have a post about it but in case you haven't read it 

when i was 2 i poured boiling water on my left shoulder 

and i had to get a skin graph then 2 years ago i had to get surgery on it 

because the skin was SO TIGHT! it was the worst pain! 

i couldnt move my arm! it was unbearable! so i got z-plasty incisions 

which fixed the problem...well the pain problem. 

but skin graphs are more prone to cancer because the skin in SO thin. 

my scar is HUGE! it covers my 

shoulder, down  my arm, back of my neck, part of my back, 

my ear, and my collar bone down my chest. its a nasty one. 

when i first got burned we were informed of my high risk of cancer 

and i was banned from the sun. seriously. 

and then when i was allowed in the sun again i had to wear a body suite to cover it! 

its just so sensitive! so when my dad told me this news 

we knew there is just no way i could escape this cancer...

im too burned too scarred i've been in the sun too much already..

when he called me and told me i lost it at work. 

i paced around the kitchen on the phone, 

i sat on the dirty floor and cried gasping for air 

then my co workers told me to go home 

and once i got in my car i was numb. im not crying anymore. 

im just scared stiff. i dont know what this means. 

i feel like im staring death in the face. 

this is all rather over dramatic possibly but i have NEVER 

been so scared in my life. 

im terrified. 

what if they dont catch this in time and its too late? 

im thinking of all that could go wrong. 

maybe i'll be fine. maybe i'll be in a hospital next week. 

not knowing...kills me even more. its all up in the air. 

were going to a doctor this week. 

so...i guess we'll get more answers here soon. 

but i feel like there goes my summer. 

because i have to stay out of the sun.

 i CANT afford to sunburn my shoulder anymore...im devastated :(