keep on keeping on

saw my sissy katie yesterday, we don't ALWAYS get along 
but it was SOOO good to see her
 we made cookie dough and 
got cafe rio and just talked.
 it was great. i miss her sometimes. 
then i went to sammy's with dal 
and we saw a movie. 
that girl time fixes everything for me i swear. 
today has been ROUGH! 
when i went into work whitney immediately asked me if i was okay 
and i just burst into tears! 
she came and gave me a hug 
and just held me till i pulled myself together 
and was finally able to tell her about...
well everything thats been going on.
 i dont feel like me anymore. 
the way i feel is not the mckayla i know i am. 
i am constantly 
scared, sick, anxious, and i just feel empty. 
i am terrified. 
i dont feel like i know what i want. 
nothing makes me truly happy. 
my parents and i have a terrible relationship right now 
which just adds on to everything else! 
i just need to move out.
 i've been saying that for MONTHS! it feels like 
but seriously the apartment is coming along so good! 
its freaking hard to furnish a place! 
paycheck by paycheck..its getting closer. 
but i spent most of the day with dallas and that helps, 
she makes me laugh and forget all my troubles. 
while we were working on the apartment 
she showed me a spider she trapped under a cup a few days ago 
it was HUGE! 
a wolf spider or something? 
whatever it was it was some demon that escaped from the amazon! 
we drowned it in bug killer and it didnt die FOREVER! 
uugghhh but eventually it did...
anyway that was exciting and all. 
one of our biggest problems moving in together 
remains where the heck are we going to put all of our clothes!? 
there is just not enough room 
we have thrown out all clothes possible and STILL! 
not enough room 
we already  have like 3 dressers and 2 closets. 
what a joke. my closet is already another BEDROOM! wow. 
but we will figure it out.