this is my last day being 17! thats crazy to think, i'll be an ADULT! its actually kind of scary....but WAY more exciting! being 17....wow such a hard year for me....seriously this has been the most dramatic year i have ever had....so much has happened i have experienced so much loss! it breaks my heart. i hope this next year of my life brings much happiness and strength! but i know that no matter what happens i will have my amazing, loving family by my side at the end of every day, at the beginning and end of every struggle and success, they are always there. and i am so lucky to have a family in general. we all got together and had lunch today then went to my aunts house for a surprise birthday party for my mom, IT WAS SO FUN! pictures will be up eventually. but being with my family is what brings me the most happiness lately, because they GENUINELY LOVE ME. and that my friends is an amazing feeling. so much is going to change this year....college, moving out, maybe even moving away! just growing up in general! im excited, scared, nervous, anxious all those normal growing up feelings.
im slightly dreading tomorrow for just one reason...bekki. bekki has always made my birthday fun! she always did some crazy thing for me! and with out fail she would SOMEHOW sneak into my house at odd hours and take me on some adventure! EVERY YEAR! skinny dipping, streaking, going to new places to eat, going for a drive, forcing me to do the craziest things, she always pushed me out of my comfort zone, she always made my birthdays memorable and fun and .... im just so sad she wont be here .... i think about her everyday and i miss her more and more! i cant put into words how much it breaks me down, how much it hurts, ive never lost someone like this. i love you so much bekki. i wish you were here.
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