Fighter

It always seems to me that the people I thought would never ever leave me are the first to go and the people I thought would betray me are still by my side. Funny how that works out sometimes. It's strange to me the people god puts in my life and how they effect me and change me. Lately I feel very aware of the people who are close to me and I can see just how much they care I truly appreciate that. I am so lucky to have such a loving group of people in my life, it may be a small group but I could care less, I have never felt so loved. I have also realized the fight in me, the fight to stay positive, the fight for what I love, the fight for my future, family, friends, education and the fight for myself. It is a though, mean, cruel world out there and it's hard to keep your head above the water when your tired and everything and everyone around you is looking to bring you down. But I will always fight.

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so tomorrow is vegas!!!! 

i cant even begin to explain how excited i am!

 so i will just leave it at that and let the pictures do the talking later (; 

also throwin it back to like jr. high days 

when i listened to her all the time 

but here is avril lavigne 

singing my life away(: 

amen sista amen.

and last but not least...happy friday everyone!!! (:

jitters

ggaaahhhh i am incredibly stressed lately!

its mostly my fault

im making a much bigger deal of things than i should

but with

vegas

packing for vegas (seriously stressing me out!!!)

my surgery

school

being sick

dance

training

friends

family

and work i am feeling over whelmed!

i am so excited for this mini vacation with some of the

funnest people i know i just wish i could stay 

for the full week and not just three lil days!

im lucky enough to be going so i can just shut up about that

but my upcoming surgery is really scaring me

i cant even pin point which part is the scariest

the surgery its self 

the fact i use my own skin as a band aid basically

the recovery

i dunno...im just nervous! 

how did i do this when i was two and it was so much worse!?

i guess i didnt have a choice then...because it needed to happen so i 

could...ya know...live! but this time

it is my choice! im putting myself through this

any who...i also have a terrible cold sore

which is driving me up the wall

its ugly, annoying, and it hurts!

booo

welp, hope you enjoyed my ramblings

today is like > > >

It's that slow....

Here I am at work everything that could possibly be done is done....and there are no customers to help so I am a very bored lady! So I thought that I would inform you all of my upcoming surgery! Sounds fun doesn't it?? I need to get another skin graph! *cringe* if you haven't already read about what happened to my shoulder go read my post called "this one time I was playing quidditch" or something like that (sorry Harry potter fans if I spelt quidditch wrong) anyway my shoulder has been acting up I thought it was a crazy knot so I kept having people try to rub it out...that didnt work so I tried to play it off and ignore it till one day at work I was lifting a tray full of cupcakes and it hurt my shoulder so bad I dropped it! Then I knew it had to be something more serious, like maybe a torn muscle. Yesterday me and my mom went to timpanogas regional hospital to meet with my plastic surgeon (yes I see a plastic surgeon for my shoulder no I am not getting a boob job) his name is Dr. Bishop and he did my second shoulder surgery of z-plasty incisions he poked and squeezed and stroked my shoulder and told us I have a big wad of scar tissue built up that's causing my pain, it won't get worse but it won't get better what he can do is either 1: a two step procedure where he puts a ballon type thing in where that tissue is, blow it up so it expands for a few days (hello hunchback!) then go back in and remove it.... I immediately said no what's the other option and he said that he could do a skin graph I instantly teared up I don't know why I don't remember any surgery from when I was a kid I have NO memory of it what so ever but my parents always tell me how painful it was for me and how long the recovery process is so I just got freaked out by hearing I could need another one he said he would go in clean out some of that scar tissue, take some skin from my upper thigh again and staple it on...just like last time but a much smaller area then he started saying why he didn't really want to do that is because of the scaring! I was like....your kidding me right? My shoulder has been distorted my entire life adding more scars to it is really what your concerned about? Plus it's more on my scapula area anyway, who really sees that!? MY only concern is ya know....it's snowboarding season and I NEED to board period. Good thing the best snow is in like February and March anyway! So hopefully I will be decent enough by then(: the other sucky thing is in the summer...no sun for this lady because that skin can't protect itself from the suns rays so melanoma all over again! It's only the most deadly form of skin cancer....no big deal right? So ladies and gents this year I will be having my SECOND skin graph done and I am beyond terrified! And every time I think about it I cry a little inside.....but I need to get this done because the lifestyle I live is quite active and I need my left shoulder to dance and exercise and all that good stuff. That's all for now. I will keep y'all updated!

i thought i was in a horror film

yay for november! not only does that mean new flavors at work but now that halloween is out of the way i dont feel the need to get scared every weekend! cause ive been doing so many scary things that i basically cant sleep during the night now! i saw paranormal 4 it wasnt really scary at all till the end and a few parts made me jump but thats about it i saw that with my friends cooper d and dylan t and they were even scared! after the movie at like 1 in the stupid morning they made me [cause i wasnt driving] go with them to kiwana's park which is in PG and its apparently haunted cause it was some indian battle ground at some point? whatever....so we go...and im hating life and just clinging on to these boys when dylan says "did you guys see those lights?" were like what are you talking about? so we go back to the car and guess who shows up? pg police thats who so were talking to the cops but they were actually just way chill, we told them why we were up there and they just told us the park has a curfew so were not supposed to be there but then they started telling us all of their scary experiences up there! cause often they have to patrol the park at night and man they have seen some scary stuff! by that time i was on my knees begging to be taken home but they the cops were like let us show you guys this one place where we always see stuff  [seriously? you are telling us to leave then dragging us into the park?] this is all looking like a bad set up to me, its late, were not supposed to be there, just saw a scary movie, just putting it all together...i felt like i was going to die for sure. but we go....hiking through this park cause its not really a playground park more like...i dunno? there is a pavilion and the rest is trails and mountainside anyway we are hiking along...forever, its freezing, dark, creepy and walking forever when we stop in the middle of nowhere far off the trail we were originally on and they just tell us to be quiet im DYING already i would rather try to find my way back to the car and sit there alone than see whatever we are about to so were waiting...waiting...blah blah blah when we head a twig snap and leaves rustle not even 15 feet in front of us officer what's his face calls out "is anyone there?!" nothing we keep hearing it and it is DEFINITELY foot steps but its so dark and the trees are SO thick we cant see anything! its getting faster and faster and coming toward us! i cant even scream im in a dead panic a total dear in head lights! the cop has his flash light out and tazer ready which just makes me all the more scared im thinking were gonna get jumped by some high kids or i dont even know then it just up and stops! like right as we would have been able to see whatever it was...were all whispering FREAKING OUT! then someone GRABS ME i fall backwards and i start getting dragged away! i have never screamed like that in my ENTIRE LIFE! im screaming for dylan and cooper and for someone to help me or do something and im in such a panic that i cant even hear the laughter behind me im thinking its a twister serial killer when im finally let go i just run back to where i thought everyone was but they are gone! the trees seriously get so thick! im listening and i find them and they are all laughing im like WHAT THE EFF IS GOING ON?! where is the other cop!? what happened to him? and they then explain to me that it was all a prank...while we were hiking and cop #2 was bringing up the back he went off by himself and all the noises we heard were him, i dont know how they put this whole thing together with out me hearing but it happened...i cried....then we finally got back to the car to go home cause i had had ENOUGH! while we were driving away we just got more creeped out...caaussseee were those even real cops? can they do stuff like that? that was all probably totally illegal....and then i didnt sleep. the end!

my life is boring?

and by boring i mean routine? its basically the same everyday 

wake up

get ready...[put hair up, put shoes on, grab quick breakfast]

go to work

work for hours

come home

eat 

clean

get ready for training

go to training

walk like a duck to car afterwards cause im so freaking sore

come home

eat

actually get ready for the day so i dont look like a zombie

hang out with whomever 

sleep

repeat

but every other day rotates between training and dance

i love all these things my job, training, dance, my family, and friends i guess im just wanting

to change it up a bit? im not sure how but hey VEGAS IN 3 WEEKS! now that will be a change!

and after vegas my next big thing will be paragliding! yuuupp, been wanting to do it for sometime now

baaahhh time for training 

today is arms and shoulders...yeeee!?