i want all of you, every day, you and me.

i am a sucker for love. big time. i love to love..

i want that love that drive you crazy

the kind where you cant stop thinking about the other

i want love where you have to stop kissing because your smiling too much

i want love where you dont feel insecure or jealous

i want love that makes you feel pure happiness

that love that makes you feel like a kid again

i want love that i dont have to question

i want someone to love me as much as i love them.

but sometimes people aren't on the same page in their relationship...and thats where the heart ache is...

i just want to love and be loved in return... 

 

 

BE A GENTLEMAN!!!!

 

i want someone to grow old with
someone to love me unconditionally
someone to love me at my worst when i least deserve it
someone who will listen and care about me 24/7
i just want that fairy tale love...

the ugly the good and the best. or something like that?

THE UGLY -  i work on thanksgiving :( my family has a thanksgiving lunch at 2 and i work from 1-6...yeah FML!!!! and i work 10 hours on black friday 2 - midnight


THE GOOD - thanksgiving is this thursday so there is only two days of school! YAY

THE BEST -  Taylor's family has a thanksgiving dinner so i am invited there(: yay at least i get to spend thanksgiving with the other family i love(: how sweet.

he's super handsome and wonderful(:

im not your baby gurlll

im not your home girl, your boo, or even your acquaintance. haha you may be black but doesn't mean you can give a stranger who is a female pet names. that just made me laugh. any who today has consisted of so much gee where do i start? psych. i'm so bored im blogging about nothing cause there is nothing else to do...i can tell you about my day...cause thats exciting...lets see first period i am a teachers aid. he is the baseball coach and a math teacher...so i just graded some math papers...then spent the rest of the time on pinterst.com its like facebook but BETTER! then i had dance and i always love dance were working on our christmas piece to a justin bieber song titled mistletoe im so excited. i LOVE preforming. then i had weight training and i had no desire to work out what so ever today so that was a fail but towards the end of class we played circle ball...some girls just cant handle that game. i am one of the girls who CAN. i have L O N G limbs and i just wrap them around the other team to tackle them. its worked out pretty well so far. then i had lunch so i came to my house with taylor and we made some pizzas then i had seminary and i fell asleep. THEN i came home and made mac and cheese....this girl can EAT. im like a bottomless pit to say the least. in fact im hungry again. then i did some dishes and took a nap...so productive. i need more in my life. i cant sit around like this all day. i refuse. what other topics have been on my mind? CHRISTMAS! the most wonderful time of the year. here is a sneak peak at my christmas list. dont hesitate to buy any of this for me i will certainly not object! 

the iphone4. i need a new phone. this..this little beauty is wonderful i dont care what you say.

this would look so cute in my room...or even just plain black.

i love me some long socks to keep not only my feet but also my calves warm in this cold winter season!

my board is so beaten up....and this one is pretty freaking rad.

a red mazda rx-8 ...hey a girl can dream right?

awkward

lately i've been on edge. everything bugs me and its been terrible. so today while i was blown off for the third day in a row. (ahem) i decided to try and do something positive to get me in a better mood. i took my lovely dog sam for a walk by the lake. it was fine, the weather was nice and the fresh air felt good. until i had an awkward moment you see, sam walked off the trail into the brush to investigate a strange sound or smell and she stepped into a bunch of stickers...poor thing so i was trying to get them out for her and this guy was walking towards us and i guess it shocked sam when i pulled a sticker out and she growled like a beotch at me and jumped on me and the guy freaked out thinking my dog was attacking me so he ran to my rescue which freaked sam out even more cause she thought he was tring to hurt me so she tried to attack him but her paws were covered in stickers which hurt her so she just flopped onto the ground growling instead. me and the stranger stared at sam then at each other then just laughed it off and he helped me get the stickers out of her paws. sam is a very friendly dog usually i dont know what got into her. anyway another awkward moment with a stranger happened just two days ago, i was at target getting a few things and then this guy starts pushing his cart along side me asking me "so what are we going to do for thanksgiving? im dreading your mom to be honest..." and im wondering "how does he know my mom?" then when i start listening again hes saying "you should make those potatoes anyway they are amazing your such a good cook im so lucky so have such an amazing beautiful wife like you" and im thinking "awwhhhh....WAIT! wife!?when the heck did i get married to you?! i dont even know you!" so i stare at him extremely confused. all the while were still walking around the store side by side and i...STILL haven't said anything. then he looks up at me...he looks just about as confused as i do and he sighs and says "you are not my wife" i reply "oh...uhmm, no im uh im not sorry?" then he says "im sorry this is awkward" then i say "yeah awkward"  then we just look at each other much too long and he walks away....hello most awkward moment of my life!? yeah .... well thats pretty much all.

forgiveness

so my last post was about the suck part of my life but with in the last what 2 hours? i have just been thinking of everything i do have and all the amazing people that are in my life. i have been praying SO much today for everything! i have just seen how many wonderful things i have in my life and the good people. lets start off with my young womens leader sister bateman. this woman is my inspiration...she is hands down the most selfless, giving, wonderful, caring, spiritual woman i have ever EVER had the pleasure to know. every time she gives a lesson i cry, she always has the spirit with her and her lessons are always JUST what i need i can always apply and pay attention to what she has to say i could swear her lessons are just for me. she is like a friend to me i know i can open up to her and she wont judge, she is so forgiving and understanding and a genuine person i love her with all my heart. also my parents, wow...i am so lucky and blessed to have the parents i do, they are ALWAYS looking out for me and they think about my problems before their own, they have the best advice and though i dont always listen they are right in the end. my mother....she is just forgiving and i am so thankful for that that i have a mom who no matter what i do no matter what trouble i cause she will just forgive me and if i make that mistake 12 more times she forgives me just as easily she is so loving its like no one can do any wrong in her eyes she just loves everyone and has something good to say about everyone and she is always giving, giving her time, her attention, her money, her food and her everything to everyone else she is selfless. she is such a good example to me. i want to be just like her. my dad...he has experienced so much so he always  tries to relate to me and i am a lot like him, he is so smart he always teaches me new things and he is just as forgiving...today i am just SO thankful for forgiveness, not everyone forgives but the important people in my life do, my family, my good friends, those i love and most importantly my heavenly father. im overwhelmed with how blessed i am right now. all these wonderful people in my life and there are so many more! my brother...my sweet sweet brother who is my best friend, he has seen all my mistakes, he hears them all and he just tells me "dont forget who you are, your a daughter of god and its ok to mess up its ok your not perfect i love you no matter what" he always has something good to say about everyone as well and he always has my back. im so lucky i have a forgiving and understanding family because i am not perfect at all and they understand that i have done things that have really hurt my family and they forgive me because thats just what you do when you love someone as much as you love your family they know the kind of person i am because they raised me and they raised me right if you ask me. i love you family. thank you for all you do and your patience and forgiveness. it means the world to me.

human

lately has been rough...and lately as in since friday. we all make mistakes right? we come down to earth to live and learn and part of living and learning is screwing up and making mistakes right? somebody please even if i dont know you correct me if im wrong. so i made a few mistakes and one big one and after that big one everything i do seems to be a mistake to some people. everything. trying to have fun...nope dont even think about it missy you had fun...nope, mistake. its like i cant get a break and maybe i set myself up for this, for the cold shoulders, criticism, harsh words, hatred, and misery. maybe its all my fault and i deserve it but if i knew this is what i was getting myself into i sure would have dont things differently. im human, sorry i forgot to send a request to keep me immortal while i live on earth my bad, i didn't get the memo in time and i cant change that now. but if being human isnt good enough im screwed. let me ask you this readers....say you made a big ole mistake that hurt a couple people you sure didn't mean to hurt ANYONE you thought you were honestly doing the right thing. really you were convinced you were so you made your decision and BAM it backfires and blows up in your face, the damage is done, there is no taking it back now so ASAP you start apologizing and doing all you can in that moment to try to start making it right, thats the right thing to do right? you should fix things as much as you can as soon as you can right? thats what im going here for but when the people you need to forgive you give you the cold shoulder, won't believe you, or your not allowed to talk to them HOW tell me HOW you are supposed to right any wrong you have done to them? if they won't give you the time of day or the benefit of the doubt what are you supposed to do? im feeling quite lost, and hopeless, and lonely! if nothing i can do is good enough, if nothing i do to try and prove i AM in fact a good person is going to help me out in some way...what am i doing here? i know im not fighting for nothing in this situation...but i sure wish what i was fighting for would say "thanks for your effort, i dont forgive you yet but im sure i will come around eventually" then hey thats all the motivation i need to keep going and to keep fighting. i just need SOME type of positive feedback....thats all...

all you need is...hugs

what an exhausting day! 

might i add i only got 4 hours of sleep last night

then worked for 5 hours. 

its been a long long day....

and on long long days all a girl really wants is a good long hug 

and a kiss on the forehead wouldn't hurt. 

but of course on days like this no one is around to give them

there are just grumpy customers and bad drivers and cold ravioli. 

its 7:34...im going to shower, pile on the sweats, curl up in my bed and sleep. 

good night(: