weekend.

it's been an eventful weekend so far!

 friday night i catered for the sweet tooth fairy 

at a wedding for macy, h

er dad owns the stf and i work w/her. 

it was the most beautiful wedding! 

oh my goodness i cant even put in words 

i just wanted to cry it was so incredible! 

then i went to summer fest 

met up with a bunch of friends 

and we all went hot tubbing at this girls freaking sweet house! 

but the hot tub was kinda cold. 

santino was instructed by a sleepy colton to baby sit me...seriously?

 haha too funny. cause tino it the one that needs to be babysat in reality! ha. 

so that was fun then i went to bed and woke up really early

 to open the bakery...it was a looonnnng shift 

then i went to peaks with taylor, clark, and chelsey...

it was really awkward actually...so i left! 

and was with some other friends and we went back to summer fest 

but the wind is blowing so crazy! 

so we went to denny's but i was too full to eat all the food i ordered, 

stupid choice.

 now i think im going BACK to summer fest geeze

 then hot tubbing and who knows what!!! i

m just excited, its been a good weekend 

and on sunday im going to lagoon! 

i cant wait!(: i hope its not so windy like today.

keep on keeping on

saw my sissy katie yesterday, we don't ALWAYS get along 
but it was SOOO good to see her
 we made cookie dough and 
got cafe rio and just talked.
 it was great. i miss her sometimes. 
then i went to sammy's with dal 
and we saw a movie. 
that girl time fixes everything for me i swear. 
today has been ROUGH! 
when i went into work whitney immediately asked me if i was okay 
and i just burst into tears! 
she came and gave me a hug 
and just held me till i pulled myself together 
and was finally able to tell her about...
well everything thats been going on.
 i dont feel like me anymore. 
the way i feel is not the mckayla i know i am. 
i am constantly 
scared, sick, anxious, and i just feel empty. 
i am terrified. 
i dont feel like i know what i want. 
nothing makes me truly happy. 
my parents and i have a terrible relationship right now 
which just adds on to everything else! 
i just need to move out.
 i've been saying that for MONTHS! it feels like 
but seriously the apartment is coming along so good! 
its freaking hard to furnish a place! 
paycheck by paycheck..its getting closer. 
but i spent most of the day with dallas and that helps, 
she makes me laugh and forget all my troubles. 
while we were working on the apartment 
she showed me a spider she trapped under a cup a few days ago 
it was HUGE! 
a wolf spider or something? 
whatever it was it was some demon that escaped from the amazon! 
we drowned it in bug killer and it didnt die FOREVER! 
uugghhh but eventually it did...
anyway that was exciting and all. 
one of our biggest problems moving in together 
remains where the heck are we going to put all of our clothes!? 
there is just not enough room 
we have thrown out all clothes possible and STILL! 
not enough room 
we already  have like 3 dressers and 2 closets. 
what a joke. my closet is already another BEDROOM! wow. 
but we will figure it out.

melanoma monday..

last night was great, hung out w/colton, john and santino 

we went to red robin 

and all laughed our heads off at santino sucking up strawberries from his straw 

and...laughing at everything john said 

and at coltons laugh. 

then we watched water boy and four christmas's 

i got home around midnight (way too late) 

because i had to get up at 5 to go to work! 

i had to open the bakery today with ellie

 everything was going smoothly we were right on time 

then ellie pulled out TRAYS AND TRAYS of cookies from the freezer 

and she said "awh amanda is so sweet she already made the cookies for us" 

then i remembered those cookies were for a HUGE order due...TODAY! 

this order consisted of 16 DOZEN cupcakes and 14 DOZEN cookies...

they also had to be delieverd to noah's in lindon by 11..it was 9 

we sat there and stared at each other for a while not even knowing where to start 

then the adrenaline kicked in and we got going! 

we got the order together and ellie sped away with it all in her car...

but we didn't put out any pastry's for the store...which opens at 10:30....

it was insanity! we had to bake EVERYTHING! it was so crazy

 i worked from 6-2:30...while i was at work i got some very scary news......

my dad texted me informing me that i have a 1000% increased chance of having melanoma...

which is skin cancer. that is a guarantee. 

1000% it shortens your life span by 40% 

i have melanoma because of my scar...

i have a post about it but in case you haven't read it 

when i was 2 i poured boiling water on my left shoulder 

and i had to get a skin graph then 2 years ago i had to get surgery on it 

because the skin was SO TIGHT! it was the worst pain! 

i couldnt move my arm! it was unbearable! so i got z-plasty incisions 

which fixed the problem...well the pain problem. 

but skin graphs are more prone to cancer because the skin in SO thin. 

my scar is HUGE! it covers my 

shoulder, down  my arm, back of my neck, part of my back, 

my ear, and my collar bone down my chest. its a nasty one. 

when i first got burned we were informed of my high risk of cancer 

and i was banned from the sun. seriously. 

and then when i was allowed in the sun again i had to wear a body suite to cover it! 

its just so sensitive! so when my dad told me this news 

we knew there is just no way i could escape this cancer...

im too burned too scarred i've been in the sun too much already..

when he called me and told me i lost it at work. 

i paced around the kitchen on the phone, 

i sat on the dirty floor and cried gasping for air 

then my co workers told me to go home 

and once i got in my car i was numb. im not crying anymore. 

im just scared stiff. i dont know what this means. 

i feel like im staring death in the face. 

this is all rather over dramatic possibly but i have NEVER 

been so scared in my life. 

im terrified. 

what if they dont catch this in time and its too late? 

im thinking of all that could go wrong. 

maybe i'll be fine. maybe i'll be in a hospital next week. 

not knowing...kills me even more. its all up in the air. 

were going to a doctor this week. 

so...i guess we'll get more answers here soon. 

but i feel like there goes my summer. 

because i have to stay out of the sun.

 i CANT afford to sunburn my shoulder anymore...im devastated :( 

post grad

its taken me awhile to get to this. 

its been pretty busy since graduation...

well not really busy i've just been out having a good time(: 

so i graduated....whoop whoop!!! 

didn't even fall or anything walking out.

seminary graduation with tiffany 

my brother = the best influence on me

sib love

sissy and dev 

Wach family left to right Kenzie, Tanner, me, Angela, and Brit

^^ this is taylor's family. and i love them with my whole heart. when i walked out of the "M"

i heard my name yelled SO LOUD. when i walked out and found these guys...turns

out it was angela(: it made me feel like a million bucks.

and can i just say i miss coming over every sunday

to watch the walking dead or a movie

and i just miss all of you guys. im so glad your all still a part in my life

i love you all so dearly, and miss you guys.

thanks for being there for me(:

then taylor FINALLY showed up. his cute grandparents in the background(: love them too.

this punk right here(:

going to chili's 

^^^ this was after the senior all nighter

im glad dal came(: we had fun.

this was taken at 5 or so a.m

uuggghhh i slept till

FOUR

the next day...

FOUR!

are you kidding me?!

anyway....graduation is over...moving out

is coming close and closer...

money is the only issue...paychecks

just dont come fast enough...

pre graduation

im leaving to go graduate in an HOUR! the biggest accomplishment of my life so far!

im so excited. i have never wanted to wear something so dorky and hideous in my life! 

when i went to the school this morning to get my cap and gown i was ready to pee my pants

in excitement! then when i got home and tried them on...well i laughed at myself first

i look ridiculous! the gown...too big, as it is on everyone im sure and we all know

how incredibly embarrassing that cap is but looking at myself in the mirror i just thought

I DID IT! I FREAKING DID IT!

that is probably the most important uniform i will ever wear!

after all that i wanted to cry...high school is over all i have known for the past 18 years is 

all about to change i will be living a new life! but i didnt cry...because my senior year

has been the wort year of high school. which sucks senior year is supposed to be really

fun but it has been so hard for me! im just over it!

GRADUATION...BRING IT.

roller coaster

the roller coaster of emotions continues! holy cow lets see last night it was y.o.l.o aannnnddd stuff got crazy. im going to leave it at that. but today im really anxious, restless, nervous, and sick. and just heart broken. you see im loving someone who isn't going to be around long, im already attatched, im already in too deep and were not even sure what it is. but like i have said before, i love to love. but i can see the end (august) when he goes off to school, far away. its not going to last. but i cant help it. i knew this all along! and i still fell...helplessly. and now im stuck in this rut.

lately

yesterday was SUCH a good day! i had my sports medicine/exercise science final in the morning which i had stayed up very late the night before studying for...and i was so nervous! i felt like i didnt remember ANYTHING! took the test. 140% i beyond passed it! i even got a certificate for it!(:  then right after class i went to work to open the bakery and it was insanity! we had a order for BYU's athletic department...we made OVER 1700 cupcakes...ahhh :S soooooo much work. it was crazy but i got to work with whit and macy who i LOVE! so thats always fun. and i LOVE my job. seriously, it never feels like work to me. so work was going great as usual when whitney (my boss) says i need to talk to you and i start assuming the worst that im going to get fired etc. nope actually I GOT A RAISE! and at the end of the month if we meet our sales goals we get a bonus too. HELLO $$$ so that was great also(: then i went over to the apartment w/Dal and we painted...everything! we painted the chevron in the bedroom it looks soooo good! and we painted the bathroom and that my friends is the last of the painting i do believe!(: and when our paychecks come in we will buy our carpet then we can move in! and i graduate on wednesday! hopefully because im freaking out i had to do 2 packets i finished them but on skyward its not showing up that i did! uhmm hi...i HAVE to walk at graduation. stupid east shore. screw that. but....*breath in* *breath out* everything will be ok. and i have to open the bakery again today! so i should really stop blogging and go! but after work im going with my dear friend derek 4-wheeling! i have missed him so much! cant wait!