every day gets closer to the one year mark since bekki has been gone...it seriously does not feel like it was a year ago, it feels like it was yesterday. and i am so anxious, i have this huge pit in my stomach like i need to fix all of this before the 17th but i know its much too late now, i cant help but feel like this is partially my fault, like if i had done something different this wouldn't have happened, but it's too late and i still cant accept even that. i cant change anything. but i refuse to accept it. maybe thats where the pit is coming from, my mind and soul are not at peace but i don't know what to do to change that....im sure there is a reason God hasn't put time machines on earth...and im sure its a good one but sometimes i wish i had one...just for a minute...to just fix this time exactly one year ago. if i could change anything in my entire life it would be this. so many hearts are broken....so many people are hurting that shouldn't be
on another note...
Valentines x3 for Zac and I
yesterday we both worked so much and I basically refused to do anything other than lay around. so we made some yummy steak and chocolate strawberries and talked the night away.
on Saturday he has a big huge fat surprise date for me that i cant know anything about, and if you know me you know how much i despise surprises. i honestly dont know why i hate them so much i just do.
then next weekend on our little road trip im going to do something for him...uhhhh something that i dont quite know what yet...but it will be great! if you have any ideas what to do for a man on valentines day {other than feed him, trust me i have got that one down} seriously let me know.
and then the most time consuming part of my life...WORK! i have been working my tail off lately because of valentines day! from going in at 8 till staying at the shop till MIDNIGHT. seriously? all for the sake of lovers...whatever. it has been insane. after work yesterday Zac gave me a foot massage, how sweet is he? usually i HATE having my feet touched but i have been on them all day every day since i started up my second job so they just kill me! they practically scream at me for a massage! and i didnt even have to ask, he just did. what a doll!
alllrright now im going to go REAL hard in the cheese right now
if you hate mushy love talking i would suggest you stop reading...now.
Zac and i have been dating like 7 months now? sure. at first i refused to give him the time of day, but i was friends with all his friends and we always wound up together anyway so we started talking and yada yada ya with time and patience and lots of food he won me over! and we have been attached at the hip ever since! i love everything about this guy...except the way he chews his gum it drives me mad! but even that he has been working on...but he is just the most thoughtful fella ever. here are some ooy gooy cheesy mushy lovey dovey things i love about him
♥ i always have flowers...always, my house could be a indoor garden sometimes, he just always brings me flowers! its the cutest thing i am SUCH a sucker for flowers.
♥ he goes outside and starts my car for me so i dont have to drive home in the cold
♥ he is a mechanic so he is always fixing my car {replaced my timing belt and other stuff, head light, tail light, fills it with gas} you name it he has probably fixed it for me
♥ he is so patient with me, that sounds cliche but seriously sometimes i want to smash my face in with a frying pan cause i cant stand myself! i can be the biggest brat! its awful...but zac just puts up with it, and gets me smiling and laughing again.
♥ when i had my surgery he was always there helping me and my mom and watching gossip girl with me and bringing me food and blankets just waiting on my hand and foot!
♥ he lets me drive his big huge monster truck that i kinda hate most of the time..but who doesnt want to drive a big huge truck at least once in their lifetime?
♥ he lets me steal his CD's
♥ this is my favorite thing haha i always "just want a bite" of something like last night we had doughnuts and i "just wanted a bite" so he gave me a bite...i ate it, then he handed me the other half cause duh it was delicious and i wanted more! he always shares everything with me.
♥ he holds open all the doors for me
♥ we share a deep love for vampire diaries and mexican food
♥ he is really good at telling my mood
♥ on saturdays when i work and he doesn't he brings me jamba and advil
♥ and most importantly and surely not a small thing at all is the changes he has made for me, me being lds and he is a non-member, our life styles were completely opposite! he has really made a 180 for us to be able to work, who just does that?!
of course i could go on but maybe some of you are getting ready to puke from all of this! haha(: im sure you get the point, he is one heck of a guy and i am beyond happy to have him!
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