vegetables

my life is vegetables right now.

its like god forgot to give me dessert...or an actual meal for that matter

he just handed me the nasty stuff and im not done eating 

it. i guess i have a hard time

choking down things i dont like.

(this is a venting blog sesh)

when it rains..

IT FREAKING POURS UP IN HERE!

where do i being?

im struggling still w/the death of bekki...only when people

ask me about her...i try not to think about her actually i dont know if thats 

good or bad...but when someone does ask me how im doing

i just burst into tears (seriously i will be totally fine

then out of no where tears i didnt even know i had

start falling down my face)

then i cant speak..and i just shake my head

and say nothing because i dont really want to talk about it anymore..

and boys..i dont even want to get into detail.

they suck and play games and leave.

where is my husband?!

i cant wait for the day i REALLY find someone who 

loves me as much as i love them.

my problem w/relationships is probably that i really

am more invested in the relationship than the other person  

and school.

im ready to get out now.

LIKE NOW NOW

please. 

so many fake people.

not enough real people who actually have your back.

but there is one person who has

picked and picked me up again

time after time after time!

that is 

KENZI WACH 

(yeah my ex's older sister but we were friends before i knew him!) 

anyway kenz has been there for me from the very beginning of all

these trials and i have made her stay

ha just kidding shes just a great person and helps me out

she's so great.

seriously we talk everyday, we have and are going through

a lot of the same things right now 

she has just been a great friend

always listening and giving me advice

and no matter what at the end of a rough day

she makes me laugh and fall asleep w/a smile on my face

that is a true friend right there!

i dont know where i would be if it werent for her..

it scares me to even THINK...

i just keep telling myself

high school WILL end and the end is coming SOON

just hang in there kay...you can make it!

then there will be new friends and boys!

and maybe i will even meet my husband and live happily ever after

sooner than i thought!

right now i feel like that couldn't come fast enough though...