cause i've got angels

zac is an angel. 8 months and he still hasn't left yet! i have had my fair share of boyfriends and the newest is always better than the last {thats how it SHOULD be right?} but i can honestly say i dont think it could possibly get better than him. there are the good morning and good night texts and opening all my doors, all the "cliche" stuff like that i guess. cliche or not i LOVE IT. but then there is the things he does that no one else has ever done for me. ever. like i have never been told so many times on a regular basis how beautiful i am to him. or that i no joke always have at LEAST 2 vases of flowers on my dining room table. or how he knows dessert is a must before a meal or after...doesn't matter. and i have never had a boyfriend who openly admits when he is wrong. of course its always the little things that get us girls, like the squeeze on the knee at the dinner table or the kiss on the forehead while watching a movie, or the way he holds you while you sob your freaking eyes out shaking like there is an earthquake going on, its his stillness and patience in my times of complete chaos. he never complains about how often i complain about work or anything else. he doesn't try to fix everything for me which i LOVE i want to fix it...i know i can. and he knows that, and he lets me. he fights for me, against the bullies and against myself...when im putting myself down he is picking me up. he's the best listener ever...except when he is tired...when he is tired dont even try to have a meaningful conversation with the man. haha(: and then there are the things that i cant explain...because maybe no one else will ever see them the way i do...like the way he looks at me, that might sound so cheesy and dumb to some people but its not its different. it just is. zac is an angel....


i believe with all my heart that when bekki died she knew i needed someone really special in my life...because i lost EVERYONE! i lost all of my best girlfriends, i lost my relationship with my family, i lost my belief in the church, i lost myself, i lost EVERYONE! i was a ghost, i barley existed. until i found zac...we were friends when i was going through all of that ^^^ but i didn't think too much of it, of him. nothing at all. but we kept ending up together, he kept caring when i gave him NOTHING! to go off of, i didnt really tell him anything, how i was feeling...its like he just knew to stick around...that eventually i would come back to life. and he did. he waited and waited around. and then one day i just opened my eyes and i saw him. i saw that he was there for me. that i could trust someone again and he made it so easy. i fell for him so fast after that. i thought it was because maybe i was lonely...cause i had nobody else. and i kept thinking about it but none of that was true. i love him, i honestly genuinely love him. and he saved me. he saved me from a very dangerous life style that i was headed for.

i know bekki picked him out for me. because he reminds me of bekki...only as a guy. but im sure if bekki were here the two of them would be the best of friends. bekki knew i needed her...but since she couldnt be here she sent me the next best thing.

i know bekki is watching out for me. i dont know about ya'll but dreams mean EVERYTHING to me, i look up all my dreams to see what they mean. and they are always right. i can always relate. i am such a strong believer in dreams. bekki is in my dreams. not very often. but when i really need her...she is there and she gives me advice...its mostly just that "everything will be okay" and that she is "watching out for me" but those dreams help me so much. to know that someone on the other side is watching out for me.



kenzie is an angel. we have been through the worst of the worst fights two friends can have, betrayal, lies, you name it we went through it. but more importantly we made it past all that. we are still friends. better than ever. kenzie is the friend that you NEVER want to loose. cause no one else is like her. NO ONE will be there for you like kenzie. she will literally drop any and every thing for you. the other night my entire world flipped upside down...it turned inside out...all the lights went out...i found myself at rock bottom...going deeper and deeper...i didnt think the tears would stop...i thought i would suffocate myself cause i was crying so damn hard. i called kenzie....because for one no one would know how to help me any better. i told her my deepest darkest secret...in the history of ever....but before i told her that she left her apartment....and walked to an empty parking...in the middle of the night...in the freezing cold because she valued my privacy as much as i do, she made sure no one else would know. now if that is not above and beyond i dont know what is. not only did she listen, and give me advice only she could offer she made me LAUGH...laugh. we cracked some stupid jokes. but she was my light of hope, she was my helping hand, my ladder, my breath of fresh air. i think she saved my life. she knows more than anyone else that is ok to not be ok..not at all. its ok to go crazy...completely insane....to break down and fall apart...because things DO get better...you DO heal...and that you are stronger than you think you are. i am so grateful for kenzie. she is an angel.

i am so lucky to have these two amazing people in my life. cause i can guarantee if i didn't have them this earth wouldn't have me. that sounds dramatic...but it is true. they are the truest of true friends. because...best friends dont leave your side. and i can happily say i am in the middle of a best friend sandwich.

i will be just fine, cause i've got angels.